P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
