dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
