i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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