Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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