I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
