i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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