Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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