STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize