i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize