oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
