So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
