i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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