found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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