It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
