im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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