If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
