Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just googled if crying burns calories
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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