whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
