I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's just like the Real World with babies
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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