I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You dont lie about slip and slides
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize