Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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