I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
