dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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