He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
