What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize