The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
