i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
