just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
