Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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