So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
