I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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