Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
