Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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