They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
