matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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