There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
