I wish I could teleport
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
