Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
