I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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