OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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