for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
