A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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