there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
