you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
