Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
