Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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