Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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