I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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