We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
