i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Randomize
