a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
