Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
