The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
