She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
