He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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