: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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