Dude my mom stole all your condoms
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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