hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
