I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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