the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
