I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
