After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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