if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
