very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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