So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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