I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
