Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
