the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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