i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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