Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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