I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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