I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
