when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
