Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
