I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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